Space and Time

Like the infinite questions that our own time and space in the universe bring up I ponder what to do for my space, and my time.

I've been out of the house a little under a month now, and I can say that I am going insane. I don't mean to make it sound like this house is full of law pushing parentals or anything. It's just so insane here all at once. I love my mom, my sister, and her son, but I can't stand to be around them for more than a little at a time. I have good times when they're all in a good mood and we're, say, eating breakfast on Sunday. No problems there.

It seems my mom walks around half the time giving me dirty looks. I'm not sure why or if maybe this is just the way she was I just forgot, but it's annoying as hell. Half the time she gives me looks like I shouldn't be doing what I am planning on doing. I don't ask for much, and I don't take what is not mine, so it's not like I'm a big hassle.

My sister on the other hand seems to be okay with everything. She seems to be 'okay' with her lack of free time, her lack of money, her sons lack of a mother. I know she is not really feeling that way, but she likes to make it seems every things okay. And if it is not okay, she'd rather not tell anyone about it.

As for me, I'm losing my fucking head. In between the periods of me driving back down to costa mesa and the time I spend here I'm at work, exercising, or just sitting in my car avoiding this place. I feel like I'm invading their space, and it feels like I have no space to call my own. It's sort of depressing me, and I can see why I used to be depressed with no real outlet for emotions. I'm trying to better manage my time to not have to run around for work, because I figure the whole point of getting one of these 9-5ers is to get into that daily grind of making it a process. I failed this morning to wake up at 8:30, my alarm didn't go off or something. Who knows really, I have to get back to work, but I really need to figure out my space and time.

-rod