introduction to the world

Years and years i seem to be oblivious to what goes on around me. Not in the sense that i don't pay attention to world events or such things. I just assume that my financial situation is always secure, that I will always have my hand led through whatever tough times I hit and that more or less, everything will always be fine.

II know that it won't be. I know that at some point in your life you have to stand up and grow up...learn to walk etc. etc. but for some reason it takes a lot for me to actually achieve that. I guess you can say that today will be the end of my idiotic lifestyle. Today will be the end of past childish addictions and the beginning of a long, dull boring but fulfilling life.

In my life I have been provided with every little thing i've ever needed or wanted. Not once have I ever gave back to those that helped me and provided for me. I have been a little immature asshole about the whole situation whether it be money owed or being punctual. I think at some point you have to realize that there won't always be those training wheels. I'm in a point in my life where I understand what goes on around me, and I am able to percieve what goes on with those around me, but unable to look inside me and tell myself what is important. Friends are not on the top of that list of providers, they are companions and sometimes...you have to set them aside to make peace with yourself first.

Many of my impulse purchases have been from my inability to control what I want. I don't understand why I have this impulse to need things, but I know I do. I have an impulse to want the NOW then to plan for the THEN even though, it will ultimately become the NOW eventually. Regardless of what I do. It's a lack of concentration, and now i'm going on a quest to see if i can really do what I hope I can do. Concentrate.

-rod